Discussion
A First-Person Study on the Effects of Ecotherapy, Ritual and the Witness on Developing Coping Skills for Posttramatic Symptoms
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This is a section from my master’s thesis from 2016. You’ll find the index for the entire thesis here.
In the year between beginning to recover memories from my trauma and completing the final intervention, I experienced intrusive symptoms several times weekly or even daily. After the final intervention, I experienced no intrusive symptoms at all for more than a month. The coping skills practiced and examined in the course of this study stabilized me.
The presence of the witness, both human and elemental, as well as the structure of ritual, provided space for healing. But my healing was done primarily through my own seeking of it. I decided to do this study. I designed these factors into the study. I led the interventions. I led the interviews. I chose, time and again, to get back up after panic attacks, nightmares, and flashbacks. I created my own healing.
When Carmen and I talk to colleagues and professors about this work and my results, we are told that I am extraordinary. We are also told not to expect these results from our clients. This shocks me. I do not experience myself or my pain as singular in the realm of PTSD. In fact, I find it to be quite textbook, conforming to the letter with the diagnosis in the DSM-5 and with prominent writing in the field (Adler, 2002; Herman, 1992; Pallaro, 1997; van der Kolk, 2014). So why should my results not be replicable with others?
It has been suggested that my friendship with Carmen is what allowed these results. This has been addressed above. I do not believe our friendship was the deciding factor; in fact, she specifically was not acting in the role of friend, and this study was born out of the need for a creation of new ways of relating. Sometimes I’m told these results were possible because of my involvement in the mental health field; other times because I did yoga for so many years before my memories began surfacing. But my training in both mental health and yoga were not able to stop my panic attacks, nor were they offering useful coping skills. And while my work with my therapist outside of this thesis did create basic daily safety and stability, it did not create these results; it was only stabilizing me enough to allow this deeper work to happen. My studies in the field stagnated when they began intensifying my symptoms. My ability to practice yoga had stopped completely; I had very little access to the skills others accredit my healing to.
The doubt put forward by these critiques reflects the training we in the mental health profession have received, as well as the societal expectations of the culture. I have been taught that my job is to provide safety, to suggest interventions, and to guide toward healing. But in this study, the witness did none of those things. In this study, the participant asked for what she needed to attain safety. The participant planned and executed the interventions. The participant led the way toward her own healing.
What is the job of the therapist, if the client is actually the healer in the relationship? If there is one skill which I have cultivated which many of my clients have not, it is that of introspective reflection. Perhaps, then, the role of the therapist must be to encourage a cultivation of reflective practice. As I do this with clients, I am aware of vast differences in our interactions. Clients ask for what they need, and while I am sometimes able to predict their requests, other times their intuition surprises me. When I demonstrate trust in my clients, they trust themselves in my presence.
Further research and experience must continue to explore this phenomenon. In addition, Carmen Cartterfield’s thesis may offer further insight into the role of the witness in therapeutic relationship.
PTSD is essentially a disorder affecting two fundamental systems:
It is a ruptured experience and understanding of relationships encoded in the neural network;
It is an unbalanced response to fear, leading to heightened physical and emotional reactions to both external and internal stimuli.
The coping skills described above were realized through the design of the interventions, and each skill specifically addresses one or both of these systems. Through allowing myself to lead the way toward my own healing, I discovered my own most effective ways of dealing with post-traumatic symptoms.
I believe they will be immensely useful to others with trauma-related disorders, but more than that, my hope is that this thesis challenges the way clinicians currently approach individuals with this disorder. My hope is that it inspires us in the field to make fewer assumptions and take less responsibility in our clients’ healing; that we ask more questions and offer fewer answers; that we hold our clients in deep respect, co-creating healing together.
Has there been a time when your ability to heal has been underestimated by others? By yourself? Share your reflections in the comments or subscriber chat. This reading still sometimes touches something tender in me. If it does for you, too, know you're not alone.
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